Thursday, 11 June 2015

What if today were your last?

My blog has remained fairly silent over the past month or so as I have been occupied with all the little things life has thrown my way, plus I have picked up a little bit of work from home - who knew that working from home was so time consuming!? It's work that requires a fair bit of concentration so can only be completed when Miss A is asleep...which is also when I generally complete all other this working from home business really means the tiny bit of free time that may previously have existed is now consumed with work leaving little time for anything else at all. I'm not complaining though, for now it is a great situation to be in as it means I get to remain at home with Miss A for a little bit longer and have the joy of witnessing all her little milestones. We finally have a crawler (at almost 9 months!) plus the first tooth on the way, a big week in our house hold!

The other reason for my lack of blogging has been that I have felt uninspired when it has come to writing. I simply haven't known what to write about! Don't get me wrong, my mind has been it's usual active, jumbled mess of thoughts and ideas, but the things I seem to be reflecting on most and would like to share have seemed too deep and not directly related to motherhood, so I have held back and instead you have received silence.

Until today. Today I've made the decision that this blog might take a slight change in direction. Why limit it to my experiences of motherhood...well apart from the name "Hello Motherhood" of course! While being a mother is an incredibly important part of me, I am not 'just' a mother. Limiting myself to just motherhood related topics is cutting off a massive part of me. However, my thoughts, whether directly related to motherhood or not, are still influenced by being a mother. I suppose motherhood is now a new lens through which life events are viewed. So what I'm saying is this just means I can write about anything at all.

This really is just a big disclaimer for any upcoming blogs...if you choose to continue reading "Hello Motherhood" be prepared to take a meandering journey through whatever musings I happen to have at the time, sometimes lighthearted, sometimes deeper...

So to jump straight into it, this week I have been reflecting on life in general. There have been a few tragic stories in the news lately about lives cut short. I suppose actually this is true of every week but for some reason I have taken more notice this week. One in particular has stood out, that of Jerry Collins and his partner, simply because they were not much older than myself and left behind a beautiful little girl who is herself fighting for her life. It epitomizes sadness to me.

The reality is that most of us do not wake up in the morning expecting that today will be our last day. We assume that we'll wake up, go about our daily business, go to bed and then the cycle will repeat again tomorrow. This is of course our experience of life so far.

Yet today could be my last day. It could be your last day. I hope it's not but it could be.

Pondering this has made me appreciate that every day is a gift. Every day that I am alive is another day I get to spend with people I love, surrounded by the beauty of creation.

It is a gift but I treat it as a right. I take it for granted. I fritter away my time assuming that I have plenty more where it came from.

I know the saying goes that you should live every day as your last. I don't think this is realistic though. If we were to do this, I imagine we'd have an incredibly overweight population who each day indulge in their favourite, albeit unhealthy, meal in case it really is their last day. And why exercise if it's your last day? Or clean? There definitely wouldn't be any cleaning going on in my house if I truly thought today was my last day.

However, the sentiment behind the saying is one which I appreciate, one which challenges me on how I spent my time. If today were my last day, I would fill it with time with my family, my husband and daughter as well as extended family.

When I die, I don't want to regret how I spent my time. Time is something you can't get more of. No matter how rich you are, you can't buy time. You can get and lose money, friends, family and possessions but not time. Once this second has passed, that's it, it's not coming back. Perhaps this means that instead of spending many hours at work in order to have a bit more money, I'll instead spend it with my daughter and in the process sacrifice a bigger house, new clothes, holidays etc. Well I hope I can do this anyway.

Another thing that reflecting on this rather morbid topic of our limited days has made me appreciate is the fact that I have hope. While I hate the thought of dying because I don't want to leave the people I love, I also know that it won't be the end of me. I have hope because it is just the start of a new life. An eternal life in which there is no evil, no suffering, no pain but instead a life filled with joy, love and good things. It's hard to imagine but I know it exists and so I have hope. I have this hope because I am a Christian. This is something else that you'll find throughout my blogs as, like motherhood, or even more so than motherhood, my faith is a lens through which I view life.

So where does this leave me?

It leaves me appreciative of the time I have already lived and happy that today, I have survived another day. Hopefully I will get to grow old with my husband and watch my daughter (and any future children) grow up but regardless of how many days I have left, I hope that the way in which I spend my time reflects my priorities - my family.

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