I thought I left peer pressure in high school...

My first visit with hubby to a baby shop didn't last long. Not because he hates shopping. We had gone to check out prams. They are a big investment after all so it's only fitting that you do some research. We had a quick look, tried a few, had a short peruse of some other baby products and then walked out again fairly quickly. We were completely overwhelmed! I felt like I was suffocating. I had heard that once you had a baby, this whole new world revealed itself, one that you had previously been completely oblivious too despite having lived alongside it childless for so long. I had expected this world to contain things like baby clothes, prams, cots and baby products. I did not expect baby classes. 

Baby classes! I am quickly coming to realise that baby classes are big business at the moment. When I say baby classes, I'm talking about the numerous music groups, baby gym/movement groups and sensory classes which all seek to help the development of your baby. I can't seem to escape them. They are everywhere! Well, perhaps if I took a break from Facebook I'd find some relief, but only some. It seems that I am constantly confronted by them, whether it's through adverts, discussions on the best ones, photos of people who have gone to them or simply people liking the various group pages. 

Now this would be okay except I seem to have a problem. 

The problem is that every time I am confronted by one of these groups I find myself consumed with anger. At the mere mention of one, the anger surfaces. While I am pretty good at containing it in social situations, it seems to explode in the form of a passionate vent, often to my husband (the poor guy.) This seems rather an odd reaction, quite the overreaction really, considering it is just to baby classes. If the topic was poverty, injustice or abuse, it would be quite an appropriate reaction but to baby classes, well not so much. 

Now before I continue, I need to put in a disclaimer. I have been debating whether or not to write about this particular topic for a few weeks. It is a bit risky. I do not want to come across as judgmental or condemning. That's not at all my purpose for writing this. The thing is, I found myself with such a strong reaction to these groups but with little understanding as to why I so passionately reacted in this way. I thought that seeing as these baby classes weren't going anywhere, I best explore and come to some understanding as to what was triggering this avalanche of emotion within me. 

So why don't I like (understatement!) baby classes? What is it about them that makes me so angry? 

I quickly realised that it's not all baby classes that cause this reaction. There are some like Wriggle and Rhyme, run by the local library, and Mainly Music, that I actually feel quite positive towards. There are others, like swimming classes, that I have mixed feelings towards. Then there are those that cause the reactions mentioned above. 

So why a slight reaction to swimming classes? And which other classes trigger the reaction? 

When I analyse it, it generally seems to be the classes that cost. Not the ones that cost a few dollars each session, but the ones that cost $10-$15 a session, which adds up to $100 or more a term. They might be sensory classes or baby movement classes, they can come in any form of class really, but it's when they begin to cost quite a bit each term that my problem arises.

So there is it, my issue seems to be with the cost.  This next bit is where I really struggle to convey my issue - yes it's with the cost, but why?

For the simple reason that cost creates division. It creates inclusion and exclusion. Those that can afford are included, those that can't are excluded. This is not unique to baby classes of course, it's found throughout society, I just happen to be experiencing it in the shape of baby classes at the moment.

Here is where I seem to run into high school peer pressure all over again. Except now it would probably be labelled societal pressure.  It's not as overt as wearing labels, smoking, drinking etc. like at high school. It is a very subliminal message. No one says it out loud, or at least I've never heard it, but the message is there (or at least I'm pretty sure it is, otherwise I may just be imagining it all!). The message is simple:

If you are a good Mum you would take your baby to a baby class because baby classes help their development and a good Mum considers their baby worth the cost. 

There it is. I've said it. It's out there.

Does this mean that if I don't take my baby to one of these baby classes then I am a bad Mum? I do not value their development? I do not think my baby is worth paying the money for?

I suppose I run into this pressure a bit more because I live in an area where some people, not all, have disposable income to spend on such classes. They choose to spend their money on these classes because their desire is to aid their baby's development and that is a good desire. They do the best that they can as a Mum.

My husband and I are not in this position though. We do not have much disposable income. Now that I am a stay at home mum we are drawing on savings as unfortunately my husband's wage does not cover our living costs (and we do not live excessively). This is our choice though. I could go back to work but at this point in time, we choose to sacrifice a double wage to know that one of us is at home with our daughter. I'm not complaining about this, it is what it is.

Despite our choice, it does not take away the pressure I feel. I want to be a good Mum. I want to do what is best for my baby. We are fortunate enough to have received money at Christmas which we use to pay for swimming classes. These were a priority to us because we want our daughter to love water and be safe around water. I realise that they are a luxury though and that there are many people who can not afford them (hence my mixed feelings towards swimming classes mentioned earlier).

When it comes to any other classes though, well we simply can't afford them. It's not like we are completely broke. We have enough to have cars, food, clothes, a house etc. While we live on a very tight budget, potentially there are areas that we could sacrifice even more in. This leads to questions. Perhaps I should sacrifice my outing for coffee each week so that I can afford to take my baby to one of these baby classes? Perhaps we should go without an ice cream outing or takeaways and instead use the money for one of these classes?

These questions can quickly spiral out of control. They can lead to so many more questions and fears. What if I don't make these sacrifices? What if I don't take my baby to one of these classes and everyone else does, does that mean that in the future my baby will not be as smart as everyone else? Will they be disadvantaged because they have missed out and it's all my fault?

STOP!

I realise that I need to stop. Stop thinking like this. Stop going down this path. Stop wasting all this energy. I need to step back and reevaluate some basic ideas.

First of all, regardless or whether I take my baby to any classes, I am a good Mum. This is not up for debate. My baby is happy and healthy. My 'status' as a good Mum is not dependent on what classes I take her to.

Secondly, since when did a child need to attend a class to develop? Baby classes are only a recent phenomena. For centuries, children have developed into incredibly intelligent, well adjusted adults without having attended a baby class. I am not saying that classes are not beneficial, but they are not essential. You can be a good Mum without attending a single class. Playing with my child at home, taking her into the garden, taking her on a walk to the beach or around the corner to the park, these are all things that will aid her development.

Thirdly, every Mum, or the vast majority of Mum's anyway, want what is best for their child. There is no blanket rule as to what this looks like because everyone is unique. It might look like staying at home with your baby, it might be taking them to various classes, it might be returning to work in order to pay the bills and provide for them. The list is endless. My way of being a good Mum will look different to someone else's and that is okay (obviously I am not endorsing anything that causes harm of any sort to a child as this is NEVER good).

So where does this leave me? Well, my issue with baby classes has been unraveled. Will I still get frustrated at the phenomena of baby classes? Most probably, just in the same way as I get frustrated at many societal pressures I see operating on people. Now, however, I feel free from this pressure. I have identified it and I have taken away it's power by recognising that, as with so many pressures, the basis of the pressure holds no truth.

I am a good Mum.

I do not need to attend classes to be a good Mum.

However if I do choose to attend a class, it won't change anything. I will still be a good Mum.

Keep calm and chill out

I wrote a blog post and had it all ready to go until I read it today. I didn't like it. It was boring. It was about car seats, baby classes and baby sleep (oh my gosh, I am a total parent when these are the topics I think and talk about!). It was about the fact that I have become a mess, a bundle of uncertainty, unable to make decisions, constantly second guessing my actions. All because I have fallen into the trap of watching everyone around me and evaluating myself in relation to what they're doing and how they're doing. I've forgotten to watch my own daughter, listen to my own gut instincts and make the decisions that are best for us.

So there it is in a nice, succinct summary.

What to write about now? Well I have collapsed in exhaustion for a few moments while my daughter is sleeping. This morning I have been for a walk, done 2 loads of washing (1 is still in the washing machine), fed bubs some solids (or should I say attempted to feed as it didn't go too well today), baked a mass amount of plum and oat slice and cleaned up the resulting mess, folded half a basket of washing (and left the rest strewn across the couch), been in and out of my baby's room in attempts to resettle her and finally, as the resettle eventually worked, here I am, scoffing down some lunch and talking to you. Unsurprisingly, I am tired. It's not even 2pm!

I've become quite tired lately. The lack of a decent night sleep for the last 5 months does little to help my cause. The same goes for a sleep in on the weekend. Yes hubby looks after bubs when she wakes (which I am very grateful for) but not before I have had to get up and feed her as the little ratbag refuses a bottle. I have one incredibly stubborn little girl which I think is pay back as apparently I was the same. Who would believe it!?? :)

I can't blame this tiredness on lack of sleep though. Of course it's part of the problem but there's not too much I can do about that. The reality is I'm not taking care of myself. I'm taking on too much and simply expecting my body to stretch itself even further than it already has to so that I can complete these extra things.

I'm missing balance.

I've heard about this problem with mothers. Of course it's not limited to mothers, it's something that a huge amount of people struggle with. For some reason though, it is expected that being a stay at home mum would make it easy to have balance. After all, you're not 'working', you're just as home everyday, there's plenty of time to get everything done that needs doing.

Oh the ignorance of anyone who thinks this! But that is not the topic up for discussion here so I'll move on.



I do try and have balance. I try and eat healthy, but not too healthy as I love chocolate and baking far too much for that. I attempt a walk most mornings, just a little one, but it gets us out and most days makes me feel a bit more human. I love to take my time over breakfast once bubs is down for her first nap, reading the news, catching up on emails, checking facebook etc.

I think this is a good start. Yet I still feel so tired! I struggle, once the day gets underway, to stop and relax. If I take time to sit down, I think of all the things I could be doing - tidying away those toys, straightening the cushions, hanging out the washing, folding the washing (the mountain of washing that has suddenly appeared over these past 5 months is simply ridiculous!), cleaning, working on some more items for my shop Mubs. This is of course once bubs is asleep. When she's awake, it's all about entertaining her and that in itself is exhausting! Particularly as she's going through a phase where she loves to stand, not by herself of course (she is only 5 months old) but with me holding her. My arms are probably the strongest they have been in my entire life since she arrived on the scene.

My husband has expressed his concern that I'm taking on too much. He tells me to go and have a nap, but how can I have a nap when there is so much to do? I haven't even gotten to the state of our garden!!! That garden is the bane of my life. It would be fine if you could just weed it once, mow the lawns, get it how you wanted it looking and it stayed that way. If only!

I have limited the amount we go out during the week, in an attempt for balance. Just one 'outing' a day is enough for us both (walks don't count as outings). Over the past week I have also decided that during her last nap for the day, I will sit down, have a cup of tea and simply chill out. I might read a book or watch some cricket, basically I will do something for me.

It's been hard taking this time though.

I still think of all the things that I could be doing but I know that it's important for me to do this. I have to look after myself. If I don't look after myself, how can I look after my daughter? How can I have any sort of decent relationship with my husband. How can I keep up my friendships (which definitely have suffered of late)?

I don't have it all sorted yet, far from it. It's only appropriate that it comes in baby steps. So I will make small changes, like tonight, I think I'm going to make the effort to go to bed a little bit earlier. That's enough for one day. Tomorrow it might be something else. Hopefully balance will come. In the meantime, I hear my daughter waking up so my time of sitting is over. Instead I shall go and work on developing those arm muscles a little bit more.

What do you do to keep balance in your life?  I'd appreciate any tips you'd like to share with me.

Caution: tired mother in a REALLY grumpy mood!

This post has been quite hard and frustrating to write.  I've tried on numerous occasions but the words are stuck somewhere in my muddled brain. 

In a way this sums up my week. I've been a tad frustrated this week. When I say a tad, what I really mean is frustration has totally consumed me to the point that I have wanted to either collapse and cry or rip something to pieces. I managed to avoid both scenarios. However I did at one point slump onto the couch completely disheartened and resigned after practically yelling at my daughter, "Bubba you have to sleep!" before storming out of her room. While it did achieve a temporary startled silence, it was not at all helpful in promoting a calming, sleep encouraging environment and her crying and lack of sleep soon resumed. Needless to say, it was most definitely not my proudest parenting moment.

This week has seen the return of the 4 month sleep regression. A few weeks ago we had a visit from this regression and I had assumed, wrongly it seems, that we were past it. I know that this period of sleep 'regression' can also be seen in a more positive light as developmental progression but regardless of the label, sleep is sleep and no matter how positively you try and view lack of sleep, and I really don't try very hard, the consequence is that it leaves a tired household. In particular a tired, grumpy mother. 

So I've been frustrated. Frustrated that my daughter, who previously was sleeping pretty well at night, has started waking at all hours. Frustrated that she has also suddenly lost the ability to sleep for longer that 45 minutes during the day. Frustrated because it all just makes no sense, no matter what I try, nothing seems to work. Frustrated because I am tired. 

To make matters worse, hubby injured his back during the week and as much as he'd like to help, there's not much he can do. He can hold her for a limited time but that's about it. So that left me doing everything...dressing, settling, nappy changes, playing, showering, feeding (well given her refusal for a bottle that's me anyway), night wakings, all day, every day. Plus all the usual cleaning chores and even extra things like the food shop which we would normally do together.

The frustrations mounted.

To top it off, I launched my new business Mubs last week (if you haven't already checked it out make sure you do) and to be honest, it has all been a bit harder than I expected. Plus I have so many ideas and things I want to make but with these 45 minute naps and hubby's injury,there simply has been no time

Do you get the picture? I was frustrated! Now I don't mean I was frustrated every single minute of every day but there was a significant amount of frustration present throughout the week.

Frustration! Frustration! Frustration! 

But then things changed.

I was in the car, making a quick trip to Spotlight for some supplies, stewing in frustration because bubs had done yet another 45 minute sleep and I was desperate for some time to get sewing done. When I say desperate, I mean it. An awesome opportunity for some free publicity for Mubs had emerged in the form of donating a few of my handmade toys to Cloth Nappy Week to be used as giveaways and potentially in a photo shoot. The small problem being I hadn't actually made all the toys and they were due 4 days after learning of the opportunity. So I was frustrated yet again.

And then it happened. 

I got perspective. 

Well I realised that it was all a matter of perspective anyway. It's easy to dwell in self pity, I'm quite good at it really. It wasn't doing me any good though. I was reminded of a quote a friend shared earlier in the week (which I was going to put onto my facebook page but will use here instead.)

When I stop and considered things in this light, it's true. Really my bad days are not that bad. Actually I have things pretty good. I have a beautiful little girl who is healthy. While hubby can't physically do much with her, the fact that he is around makes a positive difference. He is constantly encouraging me and telling me what a great job I am doing. Plus I can bounce ideas off him. I also failed to mention earlier that while I was left doing 'everything' at home, he was still doing the cooking (I happen to be married to a chef and while I offer to cook dinner, he consistently refuses, even when injured. I'm not sure if this is a reflection on my lack of cooking ability but probably best not to dwell on it).

Then there is my coffee group. They are amazing. We have a WhatApp group and the support provided through that is amazing. Someone mentioned earlier in the week that their baby was having a tough time sleeping and was unusually waking at all hours. This was soon followed by a few others declaring the same thing. Suddenly we weren't alone, others were going through the same thing. It makes a big difference knowing you're not alone.

Then of course there is the fact that I'm complaining about my baby's lack of sleep. I'm only doing this because she had been sleeping well. It's all relative. There are many who would love to be in my position.

As for my lack of sewing time. Well I realised, if I hadn't had my daughter, I would still be teaching and Mubs would not have been created. So really it's all credit to my daughter that I am in this frustrating position of having launched a business because I am at home looking after her but now am finding it difficult to find time to work on it because I'm at home looking after her. Hhhhmmm. Of course, the fact that I can be at home for a little bit is another thing to be grateful for as many have to go back to work at the end of their maternity leave.

I could continue. What about all the single mothers (or fathers)? They have to do everything by themselves, every day! I take my hat off to them. What about mothers of twins, triplets or more? My goodness I can't even imagine how they do it. Then of course there is the fact that I currently only have 1 child, what about the many people with more than 1? My self pity is now looking rather embarrassing and self indulgent. I could continue on with this list as there are people all around the world that have it much harder than me.

It's all a matter of perspective! 

Now I don't want to diminish what I, or anyone else is going through. When you are in the middle of some difficult parenting challenge, it is hard. Especially when it involves lack of sleep. It's okay to cry and get frustrated. If I am up several times tonight I can guarantee that I won't be happy about it. But perspective helps. I need to work on this perspective thing. Hopefully as I continue on the parenting journey, I will get much better at keeping things in perspective. Like everything, it takes practice, and I have no doubt that there will be plenty of opportunity for that! 

That has been the story of my week. What about you? What challenge are you going through at the moment? What things do you have to be grateful for? 

It all began when...

Pregnancy news is exciting! I love hearing that a friend, or even an acquaintance, is pregnant. Recently I've had a couple of friends announce their pregnancies and it made me realise that now I am even more excited than I had been before going through pregnancy myself. As I asked them all the usual questions I was reminded about how I felt during those first few weeks and it got me thinking about how it all began, the moment I found out we were pregnant. It's often a story that remains unshared in the whirlwind of excitement that follows the pregnancy announcement. I feel this is a bit of shame as regardless of whether it's a result you have been hoping for or perhaps more of an unwelcome surprise, it is a monumental moment, so I thought I'd share my own story with you.

I distinctly remember taking the test early one morning. Before I go on, I should warn you that this next bit involves a lot of talk about periods so if this topic makes you a bit squeamish or uncomfortable, perhaps just skip to the end. Back to the story though. The previous night I had struggled to fall asleep as thoughts tumbled around in my head and I considered the possibility that I could actually be pregnant. The thing is, I had already given up for the month as I had started spotting when my period was due. I simply assumed that it was the start of my period and the first time it appeared I told hubby that my period had arrived. That was that. Disappointment had set it. We hadn't been successful this month and would have to wait for another month. You may have worked out by now that we were trying for a baby. However the spotting hadn't turned into anything more so there I was, lying in bed, with one more day until my period would be late, contemplating the possibility that I might in fact be pregnant after all.

I ran through the possible symptoms...I'd spent a great deal of time googling all these as you do when you're hoping that any slight abnormality could signal that you are indeed pregnant. Obviously the lack of a period so far was a big sign, the spotting itself could be one too. I was also pretty sure that my breasts felt a bit fuller than normal, but then at the same time, was I just imaging all this in the hope that I was pregnant? I didn't feel pregnant though. I'd always imagined that if you were pregnant you'd feel different, like that there was some there, but I felt 'empty'. The more I considered all these things though, the more convinced I became that I was pregnant.

My dilemma was, should I take the test in the morning but then risk the disappointment of a negative result and the possibility that my period would turn up the next day anyway, or should I wait one more day and then if my period hadn't arrived, I had that little bit more certainty. I simply couldn't decide. Perhaps I'd wake up and my period would have arrived and all these musings would have been for nothing...finally I faded into the world of sleep.

As I woke the next morning all the previous night's thoughts came flooding back. I got up and checked to see if my decision had been made for me. Nope, still no period. What to do? In hindsight, it is difficult to remember what all the fuss was about but in that moment, with all the emotion and hope involved, it wasn't the easiest decision. I do realise that regardless of when I took the test, the result would be the same, but it's not the most enjoyable experience taking a pregnancy test in the hope of a positive result and finding yourself disappointed when that second line fails to appear so I was keen to avoid this situation.

I consulted hubby with my dilemma, should I take the test? He suggested waiting until the following day. Now I do value his opinion but on this occasion, after some consideration, I decided that I couldn't face another day and night churning through the possibilities in my head. I just had to know one way or another. Retrieving the test purchased for just such an occasion, I entered the bathroom and went through the motions.

I didn't have long to wait. That second line appeared very quickly. Literally shaking I picked up the evidence and went in search of hubby. "I'm pregnant."

33 weeks pregnant

I'd always imagined that this moment would be one of excitement, joy and celebration, but not so much for us. We were both in shock. As I said earlier, I'd already told hubby that my period had arrived and I may have overlooked updating him on the fact that it hadn't actually eventuated. Finding it difficult to believe, he took off to buy another test. Sure enough, it produced the same result. We were pregnant.

That's how my journey into motherhood began. We did get over that initial shock and the excitement slowly set in, as did many other emotions! I'm sure that it's not that way for everyone though. For some it might be a completely unexpected and unwelcome discovery. For others, the start of motherhood might come with less warning. I know someone who got a call saying that there was a baby for them to adopt and could they pick her up in a couple of days. One thing is certain, regardless of how you felt, that discovery changes your life forever.

So how did you find out you were pregnant and how did you feel? Have you heard a really good story about someone else discovering that they were going to be a mum? I'd love to hear your story so please share it below or on my facebook page.