Monday, 2 February 2015

It all began when...

Pregnancy news is exciting! I love hearing that a friend, or even an acquaintance, is pregnant. Recently I've had a couple of friends announce their pregnancies and it made me realise that now I am even more excited than I had been before going through pregnancy myself. As I asked them all the usual questions I was reminded about how I felt during those first few weeks and it got me thinking about how it all began, the moment I found out we were pregnant. It's often a story that remains unshared in the whirlwind of excitement that follows the pregnancy announcement. I feel this is a bit of shame as regardless of whether it's a result you have been hoping for or perhaps more of an unwelcome surprise, it is a monumental moment, so I thought I'd share my own story with you.

I distinctly remember taking the test early one morning. Before I go on, I should warn you that this next bit involves a lot of talk about periods so if this topic makes you a bit squeamish or uncomfortable, perhaps just skip to the end. Back to the story though. The previous night I had struggled to fall asleep as thoughts tumbled around in my head and I considered the possibility that I could actually be pregnant. The thing is, I had already given up for the month as I had started spotting when my period was due. I simply assumed that it was the start of my period and the first time it appeared I told hubby that my period had arrived. That was that. Disappointment had set it. We hadn't been successful this month and would have to wait for another month. You may have worked out by now that we were trying for a baby. However the spotting hadn't turned into anything more so there I was, lying in bed, with one more day until my period would be late, contemplating the possibility that I might in fact be pregnant after all.

I ran through the possible symptoms...I'd spent a great deal of time googling all these as you do when you're hoping that any slight abnormality could signal that you are indeed pregnant. Obviously the lack of a period so far was a big sign, the spotting itself could be one too. I was also pretty sure that my breasts felt a bit fuller than normal, but then at the same time, was I just imaging all this in the hope that I was pregnant? I didn't feel pregnant though. I'd always imagined that if you were pregnant you'd feel different, like that there was some there, but I felt 'empty'. The more I considered all these things though, the more convinced I became that I was pregnant.

My dilemma was, should I take the test in the morning but then risk the disappointment of a negative result and the possibility that my period would turn up the next day anyway, or should I wait one more day and then if my period hadn't arrived, I had that little bit more certainty. I simply couldn't decide. Perhaps I'd wake up and my period would have arrived and all these musings would have been for nothing...finally I faded into the world of sleep.

As I woke the next morning all the previous night's thoughts came flooding back. I got up and checked to see if my decision had been made for me. Nope, still no period. What to do? In hindsight, it is difficult to remember what all the fuss was about but in that moment, with all the emotion and hope involved, it wasn't the easiest decision. I do realise that regardless of when I took the test, the result would be the same, but it's not the most enjoyable experience taking a pregnancy test in the hope of a positive result and finding yourself disappointed when that second line fails to appear so I was keen to avoid this situation.

I consulted hubby with my dilemma, should I take the test? He suggested waiting until the following day. Now I do value his opinion but on this occasion, after some consideration, I decided that I couldn't face another day and night churning through the possibilities in my head. I just had to know one way or another. Retrieving the test purchased for just such an occasion, I entered the bathroom and went through the motions.

I didn't have long to wait. That second line appeared very quickly. Literally shaking I picked up the evidence and went in search of hubby. "I'm pregnant."

33 weeks pregnant
I'd always imagined that this moment would be one of excitement, joy and celebration, but not so much for us. We were both in shock. As I said earlier, I'd already told hubby that my period had arrived and I may have overlooked updating him on the fact that it hadn't actually eventuated. Finding it difficult to believe, he took off to buy another test. Sure enough, it produced the same result. We were pregnant.

That's how my journey into motherhood began. We did get over that initial shock and the excitement slowly set in, as did many other emotions! I'm sure that it's not that way for everyone though. For some it might be a completely unexpected and unwelcome discovery. For others, the start of motherhood might come with less warning. I know someone who got a call saying that there was a baby for them to adopt and could they pick her up in a couple of days. One thing is certain, regardless of how you felt, that discovery changes your life forever.

So how did you find out you were pregnant and how did you feel? Have you heard a really good story about someone else discovering that they were going to be a mum? I'd love to hear your story so please share it below or on my facebook page.

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